I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I party with great urgency now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
