If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
