she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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