dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
