I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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