i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
