You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
