He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
