you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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