So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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