Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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