When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize