I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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