i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
