Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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