I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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