It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ttyl tear gas
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
