I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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