so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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