Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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