Got a toothbrush?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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