i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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