After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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