My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
