Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
