I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
