Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
