Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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