My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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