...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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