Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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