i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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