just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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