We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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