Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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