You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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