Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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