I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
