and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
