she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
