If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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