i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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