the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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