Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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