Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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