My sheets look like a crime scene.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
