I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
