I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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