I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
