shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
