My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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