alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
