Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
