i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
