My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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