My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
In America we eat man semen.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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