I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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