In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
