Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
