i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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