That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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