Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
