you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
