He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
