youre lurking in front of me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm too high and old for this...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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