He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
