Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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