When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
