I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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