I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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