My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
