WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
